One of my pet hates is when supermarkets change their layout. My local - Morrisons - has done it and I keep forgetting so I always leave with only half of what I meant to buy and a pulsing urge to slap some bitches sideways.
Today I went shoe shopping with BFF Main Gay.5 which is actually more agonising than clothes shopping with him. I was wearing my mutilated old work shoes and was feeling it after an hour or so. In the evening, I went into Morrisons looking for burgers, sausages and bacon. Not that much to ask, no? But still I ended up stranded in Morrisons after circling the place five times, pacing the aisle and glued to my phone.
I called my mum for back up because she's generally very calm in these situations (other than the time she abandoned the trolley and stormed out of Tesco) but instead I got the worst possible answer:
"Hello Mofo." said a strangely accented voice.
"Cleo?! What the fuck? Put Mum on."
"She's not here."
"Why? What have you done?"
"She's gone into the store."
"And why have you got her phone?"
"I dunno."
"So how am I supposed to call her?" Panic stricken by this point.
"I dunno."
"Fuck it. I'm hanging up."
"Bye Mofo."
*click*
So I ran around Morrisons looking for my mum, my shoes flapping and my feet killing. Two minutes later someone calls my attention, I'm so stressed out I don't even think notice my feet feeling slightly cold.
"Excuse me! You've left something of your shoe here." A nice man said, pointing to a black mess of tortured rubber a few feet away.
I looked at it. I looked at him. I looked at my basket, which was empty, and said:
"Yes I expect that'll be the sole of my shoe."
I said thanks and walked out of Morrisons with my shoe doing rings around my ankle.
I hate that place so fucking much right now.
Saturday, 24 April 2010
How I lost my soul in Morrisons supermarket.
Monday, 1 February 2010
This is how it goes so far.
I keep thinking of ways to come back and say what's been happening since, Christicles, ages ago.
Lots of stuff has happened, lots of stuff hasn't happened and my sister, as ever, is being a cock.
Which makes me laugh really. It's nice that some things are consistent.
Mostly when I sit down to type something it goes like this.
The ceiling at Fibbers looks like any other living room ceiling. I can see it clearly because I'm stood on a platform. I'm stood on a platform because I'm working on the lighting desk. I'm looking at the ceiling because I'm shitting-bricks-nervous. A torch flashes side stage and I plunge the bar into darkness as the music starts. I'm muttering OkayokayokayokayI'mokayokayokay... under my breath and I'm hyperventilating. Stage fright from behind the crowd.
This is one of the more exciting things that has happened. I lit a show, lighting-engineer-style, one night last week and I didn't cock up. I even got a 'nice light show!' afterwards. I was nervous because I'm used to the lighting board at a bar called The Duchess and I learnt to use the board at Fibbers roughly three and a half minutes before the band started playing.
It went okay. It went well, even.
School's... iffy. I feel ill and tired most days, I'm actually off school today. I went in for one lesson and bleurgh.
I was horrified to discover that the new and improved Maryland cookies taste of ash, even though the improvement is that they've been made with golden syrup. I love golden syrup!
What a gyp.
What else, apart from The Big Thing?
My sister keeps sticking googly eyes to the vegetables in the fridge. I made mushroom stroganoff and it was looking up at me from the plate. I papped myself.
That's all I can be bothered to recap with right now.
