One day I'll slow down.

I have been SO busy for the last four days. Not only have I been working over 4 times more hours than I'm contracted to do (few complaints there - four times the pay on double pay for the holidays: kerching!), I've painted my mum's living room, killed a kitchen, been ravaged by insane dogs, not got to sleep before 4am in three weeks AND been made to talk to a psychologist.

My God is it hard to find time for stuffs.

Painting my mum's house has been fun... Someone painted 'NICOLE IS A LOVE MACHINE' across the walls by the window, I've got a second skin of paint, I've aged forty years and my painting trousers are way too big for me now, and that's always nice.

I also bought my brother an arse-face towel for his birthday, which he probably needs because his bathroom flooded on his birthday and there was water running down the walls which was EPIC.

And today I was woken up by someone throwing an easter egg at my head.

Le ouch.

Things I have been doing whilst procrastinating:

- Sleeping until noon.

- Making myself a bedroom door.

- Plotting a great escape.

- Pretending I don't know that seven of my friends' birthdays are happening over the weekend so I can put off having to spend money I really don't have.

- Flying around the countryside on the back of a motorbike.

- Inhaling insects left, right and centre.

- Randomly speaking in an American accent.

- Drooling over True Blood.

- Watching repeats of True Blood.

- Dodging the weird people down Walmgate who pretend they know you, take you down an alley and steal all your damn money. Assholes.

- Suspecting everyone of being said assholes.

- Deciding that standing under a tree in a storm was risky and so sat under a metal bridge instead.

- Getting very wet.

- Going to a surprise party and took lots of pictures.

- Finding tons of pictures of boobs on my camera and spent the night guessing whose they were.

- Cooking for half of the kids on the estate because my mum's friend couldn't afford to feed her kids this week and then my sister invited all her friends around.

- Going slightly mad and barricaded myself in my room.

- Drinking a peculiar Polish drink that made me hyper and dopey at the same time.

- Writhing in agony over the thought of waiting for another seven days for True Blood. Yeah, I'm hooked.

What have you been up to? (if anyone still reads this thing)

For some reason I always text in full English.

[Alternative title: C U L8er]

Text sent to my mum yesterday:

"'March 1933: After the Reichstag Fire over 25000 people were taken to official camps...' And thus concludes how much I have learnt since my room was invaded in June 2009. I have 60+ years of three different countries' histories to memorise for tomorrow and it would be BEYOND DIVINE if someone would let me try. I give it five minutes before I completely lose my shit. Have a nice day."

I'm really close to the end of the exams and also absolutely drained, so I might not post much (aiming for twice a week) while I recover from the longest seven weeks of my life since... the seven weeks before this one.

Fourteen weeks.

Whatever.

Basically, I'll be back after I:

> Burn all my books/uniform and perform a tribal fire dance.
> Convince my parents to let me go on a residential trip next year so I can go fall out of trees and get stuck in mud.
> Defuse the wrath of a cousin who is mad at me because I cut 80% of my hair off and didn't give it to her. (she luuurves real-hair extensions... crazy lady.)
> Have an all-out pavlova fight with Anna which she doesn't know about yet so shhh...

Don't get me wrong, it's not like I take any of these exam things seriously.

I'm stuck in the middle of studying for one of the smallest and arguably hardest exams (tomorrow... urhk.) so you're gonna get SHOT.

... Bullets, I mean.

• I told my BFF Main Gay.5 that my dentist was so gorgeous that he could come and go in my mouth as he pleased but I'm taking it all back now. He tightened my braces so my entire face hurts right now. That man will PAY.

• I think I've screwed up one of my exams because I couldn't write fast enough after ten pages of rambling about Lord Of The Flies in my English literature exam. You've heard of writer's lump? I have writer's CRATER on my finger right now. My hand has shrivelled up and died.

• I learnt lots of interesting things about chickens today here and I think you should all go and learn from Maxie because I'll bet you're all itching to know if chickens have sex or not. (Yeah... uhh... you might want to get that checked out)

• After the questionable success of the first cow field party (happens every year) when school finished, we're supposed to be having a second one courtesy of the BFF Main Gay.5 and some other fool, so I may be stumbling around a field in the dark with some cows and a lot of drunk people very soon.

• I have the inexplicable urge to curl up in a corner and die for four weeks (IT CAN HAPPEN).

• It's too hot to wear clothes, which is weird for North England and also sorely tempting.

• I'm addicted to Facebook. It's a disease. I never used to like it this much.

• I appear to be procrastinating.

And with that, I shall leave you, the delights horrors of microbiology, kidneys and osmosis await.

I'll have one apocolypse please.

This is the end, yeah this is the end of the world.

So...

NaBloPoMo.

Ouch.

Next time I'm doing February. It's a cop-out month.

Not that I didn't enjoy NaBloPoMo... It was great, and my followers list doubled which made my day multiple times.

I might do it again in NoBloPoMo (November)... so I have at least six months to plan this stuff out beforehand.

I'm DRAINED.

Seriously, you know prunes? I am Queen Prune, I have no juice left at all.

And I'm even telling you this, that's how bad it is.

So it'll be back to the normal schedule for the time being, as in, I need to go out and do things and make things happen in order to be able to write about it, because reading a post about me complaining about life is SO boring compared to the things I could write in the various school holidays I've had where things actually HAPPENED, e.g. last summer, when I went for my work experience interview:

Finally Kelly (She was the head Of Human Resources or Human Head of Lettuce or something) arrived... She explained a little about the job to me and when she asked me why I was interested in working there I fucked up utterly... How do you explain that I didn't check what the job was and just looked at the job description and whether or not I had to wear a skirt, and that since then I had found what I wanted to do?

Utter fuck up...

I kept dropping the pen I was holding too due to nerves as well, she was nice about it, though she probably thinks I'm clumsy now.

Fastforward a month: At this job I broke £2000 worth of wine glasses and caused myself all kinds of injuries. Oh, you didn't know I was clumsy?

---

So here's the plan. I'll be around and about, reading blogs, commenting, tweeting and the works, same as usual, but if there's no blog it's because I'm waiting for something AWESOME.

Like Twilight coming out on DVD... It doesn't come out until the sixth here, and I'll be going into school (IN THE SCHOOL HOLIDAYS, I might add) that day.

I know. It's practically criminal.

Pearl Harbour saw less bombing than this

[Warning: If you are averse towards swearing you might want to skip this post because I am ANGSTY, damn it! VERY angsty. I don't even swear that much, but the occasion really calls for it. (yush... I hear it's not big or clever...)]

[Also, parents: beware.]

[Furthermore, I will stop complaining about everything soon, I promise]

You want to know something that really bugs me? I mean something that REALLY bugs me, something that gets in my grill, raises my roof and all kinds of GANG-STA terms I have yet to learn?

I’m talking about fucking time.

Time is the epitome of all evil, I swear. Nothing irritates me more than having too much time, or too little time, or it being time to get up, time to go to sleep, time to go to school, or the bus not being on time.

It’s time to address this issue.

My most recent qualm with time occurred just this week, today actually, about five minutes ago if you must know, but I don’t have the time for such details at present.

Just this Monday, I was told that I had a week to do my statistics coursework. At the beginning of the week, that sounded like loads of time. LOADS.

But then on Wednesday or Thursday you look back on it and realise that a working week is only five days long (Ha. Hahaha... Whoever said that a working week stopped at the weekend was either a gym teacher or one of the elderly insane. Or both, we have four of those at our school.) and you have two days left to improve the coursework draft that was graded an E.

Then you start to stress a bit.

Now, last night I worked from the moment I got to school (8.30am) to 10pm, having had nothing but a pasta salad and a milkshake through all that time. Why? Because I didn’t have time to eat.

By 9pm I was tearing my hair out, I’d screamed into a pillow three times already and was dangerously close to snapping my beloved laptop in two.

And this is where the parents might want to listen up. Teenagers are all like this, it's best you're prepared for the worst. (ME!)

My family aren’t so much a family as an assembly of tragic fools, and that’s how we roll. My friends have this theory that I’ve had a really relaxed upbringing. They would be almost right. I was not brought up; I was dragged up, kicking and screaming.

So it would be perfectly normal in my house for me to storm into my parents’ room and commence the following conversation (Game: Count the swearwords, double points for the F-bomb):

Me: Permission to swear profusely?

Mum: Why?

Me: Because I’ve been fucking working for the last fucking thirteen pissing hours. I’m barely halfway through the stupid fucking portfolio, teachers are being twats, Nathan’s fucked shit up in drama by being such a suck up he should just go give Baguette a B-J right now and-

Mum: Nicky that’s sick.

Me: -and it smells of nail varnish, my sadistics coursework is due in in fucking two days and I haven’t done anything to bloody improve it and me and Joe fucked up the chemistry exam so badly that we have to do it again at lunchtime-

Mum: You didn’t say you had another exam.

Me: -my shoes exploded again and my stupid pissing bag broke and it really, really smells of nail varnish in here!

(QUESTION: World’s longest sentence?)

Mum: Riiight...

---

But it doesn’t even end there. The clocks go backwards or forwards or to Switzerland next week so I lose YET ANOTHER hour of my day.

Stupid time. Go die in a hole.

I can't wait for me.

Today I decided that I was too caught up acting the way people expect me to, so that has to stop.

Translation: I refuse to be insufferably quiet anymore. I refuse to take people's crap and not stand up for myself. I'm not like that anymore, I can't hang around waiting for the person I used to be. I need to be me, which is something else entirely.

---

I also have bog-all time today. We (my drama class) were going to revolt but one member is being an utter douche and so I have another portfolio to write.

Smarmy little shit...

So yes. I can't remember if I've rambled on about drama much here, but I've certainly been doing a lot of it recently.

I even have PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE.

(Yeah. That's my way of saying: 'Here are some photos, bye!')



Codders, Liv and me as Hobby, Salty and Gail in our version of 'Teechers'.



Me as Gail, rocking the neon legwarmers.



Codders, Liv and me again, mid-scene.

Whoever said I had all the time in the world was seriously confused.

Am caught up in the middle of coursework in which I CHALLENGE GOD and otherwise fuck up the system and so can only leave you with a couple of pictures for today.

Luckily today is Tilda's birthday and so I had my camera at school.



Lemon and me - The Two Coolest People You Will EVER Meet.



Bena ('African Beauty') and The Whitest Girl In The World (this freak goes by the name of 'Nicole')

Bonus pic:



My sister has her good days.

Time is running out.

I really am just going to have to post photos today because I am drowning in homework and revision and shit and there is just NO TIME in the world because I want to go on the Wii and my blogroll is massive and BLAH.

Behold...

The Most Impressive Places I Have Ever Been To In Regard To The Fact That I've Never Been Anywhere Except Berlin.

Berlin TV Tower.

Sony Centre

Reichstag

Berlin Olympic Stadium (do not be fooled... It was built by hard-core Nazis)

More Olympic awesomeness.

Holocaust Memorial plus sleepy Nicole.

The *something* Gate.

A probably-more-than-a-church (view from Berlin canal).

Visual karma.

Good morning, gang!

I-

Yeah, I know. I can't forgive me for that either.

I've narrowed down the reasons for my distraction into three distinct categories.

1. The magical unicorn that sleeps in my bed.

2. My shameless addiction to Twitter, Blogger, Tumblr, Facebook, TH.net Forum and a fantabulous game called Poppit.

3. The seating plan for Lauren and Tilda's birthday this Saturday *SQUEE!*

...

The thing is, I have this magical thing called a personal paper demon portfolio to write, and despite being open, ready and waiting for almost three hours now, it looks a lot - if not exactly - like this.



You see my problem.

So yes. I appear to have screwed up my education ever so slightly with only weeks to go.



So anyway, I want to keep with the wonderful NaBloPoMo, which I'm all over like a rash at the moment, and so I won't be gone.

You see, I have this amazing device in my inventory. It can product something worth looking at in .1 of a second.

Yes. I'm talking about a camera.

So here's the deal. I bugger off and do my various personal paper demons and face the wrath of my teachers, but I'll keep my camera on hand and post a couple of photos every day, because I want the dudey little badge saying I completed NaBloPoMo AGAINST ALL ODDS and against the will of the unstoppable force of nature that is my drama teacher.

And in the words of millions of procrastinators across the globe, "I'll do it tomorrow".