New hair.

What do we think?

I went to get it cut and it was a TOTAL disaster so I had a panic attack or two and then went to the supermarket and stocked up on hair dye.

Fuck yeah, red hair.

Sonisphere is in two days and I'm not exactly prepared. The tent is bought but hasn't been set up yet, I've got all the hygiene-stuffs I could ever need, I've stocked up on medicine. I haven't sorted out how I'm getting back yet and I still need to confirm how I'm getting there but once again, my dad is off-site.

GAAAAH.

See you when I get back, assuming I don't explode.

The walls fall down.

None of the remotely cheerful today. I'm not in the mood.

Hey, how are you?

I'm great, thanks, you?

I'm..

..So tired I made myself sleep until 6pm to pass the day. A day filled with nothing. A day that I wanted that way because I'm not just tired, I'm drained mentally, physically and emotionally because *it's* always there, not doing anything, just crushing and draining and demanding.

..So wrecked I burst into tears in the shower. I can only be so happy for everyone else.

..So immobile that I lied and said that I couldn't go to meet with my most favourite people ever because I was shifting furniture. I was sat in my room.

..An awful friend. But not enough to care. Which is where I know that I'm not 'Me' as I want to be anymore.

..Full of hate and anger and frustration and misery that just sits and seethes in all the awkward places. At the back of my neck, in my knees and elbows, under my fingernails, in every pore and joint.

..Sure that I've lost the best thing I had going for me.

..Aware that I've got so much worse that even a dose high enough to soothe pretty severe depression has become 'not nearly enough'. I have to see a psychologist, a doctor and a psychiatrist regularly, which sucks butt because they're looking for stuff that just isn't there.

..Not even bored.

I'm fine, thanks.

Three times a tweeble.

Stemming from here:

Nicole: Be right back.
Rach: Still alive?
Nicole: Just brb-ing for provisions.
            I'm going to write a blog post if it kills me.
Rach: lol about what.
Nicole:No idea. Need inspiration, so.. brb. =)
Rach: Chimps drinking tea?
Nicole: BE RIGHT BACK, RACH!
            But yeah. I like that.
            ...Brb..

So, way back then, I had a rough idea of how I'd stumble through another post. Now I'm sat brooding because everyone else makes it look so easy and now, at the tender age of seventeen, all I see and want and hear is FACEBOOK! No no you must blog, it's been- FACEBOOK! But your blog! Don't you love it anymo-FAAAAAACE-*gasp*-BOOOOOOOK!

...I never get any notifications on Facebook. But I live in hope.

Lots of nothing and some of anything has been happening around here. My mamma could be ready to move out (taking the dread-pirate Cleo with her) in as little as two weeks. Testing out her house the other night she brought a band and her original-punk friends back to her house where she ended up sleeping in a spooning conga line, had a million or so glasses broken and had "life is a sexually transmitted disease with 100% mortality" written on the kitchen wall along with "Gav is a knob!" which is fair enough because it also has "NICOLE IS AWESOME" sprawled across it in black ink, too. Fun times.

My Sonisphere tickets have arrived. I'm pretty sure I've written this maybe three times on here already but this time I have PICTURES! Yes, precious!

No that isn't a carbunkle on the side of my nose, it's a stud, TYVM.

Because I'm vain and stuff. But not at all, really. I threw on a t-shirt at least (B-Movie Vampires - also known as the-band-that-trashed-my-mamma's-house) which is very considerate of me considering that I don't believe in t-shirts or indeed pyjamas OR clothes because they mess with my overall karma which means it's too damn hot for clothes. There was a week where I totally abandoned the concept of trousers and just walked around the house in tights and erm, not much else but you don't need the details of that.

And because I'm awesome, or in case you missed me or the tickets in the first picture, or even because the heady combination of me plus Sonisphere tickets is particularly moving to you, here are some more pictures of me with the tickets:

Alas! 'Tis poetry kindred unto none other, Sire! 'Tis blossom that hath not blemish nor ill-repute!

Last night, or seeing as it's 2.22am, Sunday night, I went to an awesome poker night with people from school. Quids in, playing for keeps, etc etc. I neither won nor lost any money except for what I owe someone for the take-out, so all's fair. There's something awesome about six 17-year-olds getting together with money, Indian food, poker chips and cards that totally warrants the text I got the next day: "I hear you engaged in illicit behaviour with *bleep* yesterday?" Though the fact is that today I have a bruised bottom, backache and cannot walk straight. What the hell was I doing, pray tell? Riding from Fulford to Acomb (North to south, essentially) on a bike with skinny wheels and bugger-all suspension, that's what.

I also read through all the Neil Gaiman books I own verrry slooowly to pass the time. I totally recommend any of them, especially Neverwhere (Damn.. why has no one invented an internet book database yet? One that actually works? Someone get onto that) which is probably going to be my favourite book ever when I read my last book. I also read the latest Sookie Stackhouse (True Blood, duh) book too which was fab but didn't take up enough of my time (my fault entirely, I read so fast, never has 'devour a book' been so literal) and I was left thinking 'I should have savoured that..' afterwards because that was the book I'd been waiting for since last May, which I oh-so-conveniently remembered only after I finished it. Way to go, bumpkin.

I also managed to get myself down to the coast that awkward distance-across-time ago that isn't a couple of weeks ago or just one week ago, it's simply a 'time' that has no name except for now, as I'm calling it a 'tweeble'. So, I managed to get myself down to the coast a tweeble ago and got some gorgeous pictures out of it that made walking barefoot for two miles across tiny sharp pebbles and rocks totally worth it.

So for now I'm thinking I'm going to try to blog three times a tweeble.

The Plan: Summer 2010.

I've written up maybe four million and eighty two lists of things I've got to buy, books I've got to read, films I've got to see, people I need to get in touch with, places to go this summer.

All in all I've narrowed it down to about seven things:

1. Re-learn German. It's an awesome language. I had the best time speaking it when I went to Germany a few years ago (I vlogged the whole thing).

2. Have a kickass time at Sonisphere Festival with ma homies. My ticket arrived a few days ago.

3. Decorate my sister's new bedroom. I think I mentioned that my mum and sister are moving out. If not, my mum and sister are moving out.

4. Learn to drive, though finding the insurance info for my car has turned into a mini-expedition with no end in sight, the UK seems to need paperwork for everything a la the Vogans off of Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy.

5. Get an exercise bike and get BUNS OF STEEL. Possibly considering getting a stripper pole in my bedroom if I can convince my dad that it's for exercise-y reasons and that I'm not a total whorebag.

6. Read a vaaaast array of For Dummies books on all different topics so I can be all smart'n'shit.

7. Go to Slovenia to see Great-Aunt Katra. She's just that great.

---

Thunderbirds are goooooo...

Family Bliss.

Oh.. Facebook.. I love your face and everything attached to it.

^^Click to enlarge^^

Paul - My brother

Sam - Our aunt

Nicole - super-hot blogger with no ideas

Notes from The Book Of Nicole.

Random quote from a book (Smoke And Mirrors - Neil Gaiman) that I liked:

"She stares at me, amused." ~ There was nothing special about this, except that it stood out on the page to me.

Random 3am observation:

"Though it comes close, I don't think I'm entirely alone in thinking that fo every time I read a book, my mind's internal commentary morphs and shifts slightly, receptive and accommodating new thoughts and opinions that would've had no place before. I know I'm not part of a majority here. If this were a commonplace observation then there would be trophies for those who read the most books, Borders York wouldn't've closed down and the world would be quieter in terms of blinkered idiots with penchants for airing their own hollow, self-important manifestos." ~ At 3am I'm everything from political anarchist to zoologist.

On piercings:

Done:

Ears - done
2nd ears - done
Nose - done
Naval - done

To do:

Tragus x2
Cartilage x2
Lip lower centre x1
Eyebrow microdermal x2
Tongue x1
Microdermal vertical sternum x2

*Now* I'm done.

On possible jobs:

- Get into piercing - No guarantee of job and will have to stop biting nails. Nooooo...
- Teaching qualification - Have already passed the limit on facial piercings. Bugger.
- Music store - Don't know enough music.. (?!?!?!?!?!?!)
- Bookstore - Too easily distracted by books.
- Professional reader - Too easily done.
- Writer - Can't fucking write without fucking swearing.
- Drug lord.
- Bartender - Already drink too much.
- Join the circus - Not hairy enough.
- Get pregnant - Don't earn enough to feed myself anyway.

---

I've spent the last few days reading and reading and reading and Windows shopping (my oh-so-clever phrase coined from where I spend hours adding things to my wish list on Amazon).

Mostly it's full of bright red and bright yellow fedoras and books about interesting and diverse subjects that'll get my head back into gear seeing as I haven't actually done any schoolwork in over five months now.

I can always think of awesome things to write, but it's always at the wrong time like when I'm scaling shelves at work or sat trying to hold my breakfast down on a bus (the car's been off the road for a month and all of a sudden I'm travel sick) and I just realised that's not even accurate because I usually sleep through breakfast.

The rest is pretty much solid though. I'm an awesome writer, in some alternate reality where I have a dictaphone, a pen and paper and a manservant called Juan with a typewriter at my disposal.

Crappy excuse for not writing more though. I know it. I'll get back to you when I find a better excuse.

"I'm thinking about England, in the rain..."

Neil Gaiman

Bite me, bitch.

(Did you catch ma tweetin' last night? I ordered a taxi and ended up on THE party bus.)

Today at work:

*Woman slams kettle down on counter*

Psychobitch Ahoy: I want a replacement on this kettle.

Nicole: *bewildered* Have you got a receipt?

PA: No! I don't need one. Don't try to trick me, I've studied trading standards. I'm not stupid.

Nicole: Err. Right. Without proof of purchase I can't authorise it. It's company policy.

PA: I'm suing the company. This is the second kettle I've bought here that has set fire to my kitchen.

Nicole: Oh yes? It would be Breville that was sued. We're just the middle-man.

PA: No. It be YOU.

Nicole: (Me?) Okay. Fine.

PA: I'm suing.

Nicole: You do that.

PA: I'm not stupid, and I've got your name, Nicole.

Nicole: ..Nor am I.

I get my manager, who relays EXACTLY THE SAME THING as I said. I go to check the displays and the woman follows me around.

PA: I'm suing the company. You'll hear all about it.

Nicole: You do that. Seeing as we're being frank I'll tell you. I'm not sorry because I've seen this before and I'm bored. Go away.

---

Gah. Stupid peoples. The great thing was that trading standards would have agreed. She didn't have a leg to stand on and she knew it, apparently. Bleeeh.

Da-da-da-duuum. Da-da-da-doooom.

I'm not so bothered about getting a second/third job anymore. I enjoyed being at work today, weirdly. Maybe it was because it was only for three hours, or because a particularly awesome cast of people were there tonight, or because The New Person In The Suit happens to be really lovely, but I actually enjoyed my job again for all of three hours.

I also bought some really funky earrings, which is nice though my newer piercings have swollen and gone purple and I had to get Cleo to help me clean them because rarrrrgh, it hurt like hello.

She got her ears pierced today. It looks the shit.

Tomorrow I'm at work for 6-and-a-bit hours which is plenty of time to make a mistake or two which is not good because GUESS WHAT!

The boss-of-all-bosses-ish is coming into the store for the entire duration of my shift tomorrow and I'm all worried because my manager will be there and he hates me and they'll all be mean and start grumbling because ZOMG, FACIAL PIERCING.

And I'll be all, Oh shut up, ladies. It's my nose.

Well. In my head anyway. I've got used to hating people in my head these days. Everyone can be a total asshat and Oh Don't I Know It.

Basically, I hope I'm not epically in trouble for bitching about my manager who, to be fair, is rather nasty to me.

And, for his information, I KNOW that I probably won't get either of the jobs I applied for, but 'because you're you, Nicole' is not the right reason to think it, and saying it was just plain mean.