Brighter

I've always wondered why my mum didn't actively try to make me more girly when I was younger, but I'm glad she didn't. I like the boyish side of me. I love technology and programming and finding out how things work. I also love shoes and shopping and Robert Downey Jr and Nathan Fillion with a fiery passion. I'll quite happily sit in my favourite heels (gorgeous and comfy black suade lace-up wedges - om-a-nom-nom) fixing audio cable or be up a ladder re-wiring a plug. Not to say that I rock up to work in silly footwear. Steel-toe caps is where it's at.

It's extremely difficult to get taken seriously in an industry that is 95% male. From when I first started working in the live events industry for a living I was told that there were dickheads in the industry, and as a female I'd probably come across more than my fair share. And it's true, I have. There's a lot of macho bullshit to cut through and the general holier-than-thou attitude that comes from anyone with a bigger budget for technology than you.

Worst of all are probably the other women, to be honest. Not the engineers and technicians so much as the ones that tour with the band who are basically there as the wives-and-girlfriends unit and are there because it's OH SO EXCITING to be there. There is absolutely no female solidarity with these people.

I like to think that I'm a nice person, and I can get along with all kinds of people, but there's a certain way to deal with artists and their entourages and also I have no patience for people whose ego has been stroked too many times. I don't care who they are, I don't differentiate. Today I had to deal with a woman who had come with the band as a girlfriend, and was stood in  the way whilst I was trying to set up and programme the lights for the headlining band. I asked her to move out of the way and was asked the timeless question:

"Do you know who I am?"

Not a clue, love. But right now you're in my way. Move and you are no longer my concern.

I don't understand these people, so jumped up and artificial. I wonder if she would have just moved out of the way if I was a bloke like everyone else.

It's difficult when faced with situations like this. It's so easy for me to argue back. I feel like I need to justify my presense nearly all the time and second-guess myself constantly, even though I'm good at my job.

My job is to make famous people look pretty (not by comparison. Okay, yes, a little bit by comparison) by shining lights on them just right. I spent my days learning new ways to do it at college and all night at one of my two venues practicing and getting paid for doing what I love.

I have lots of nicknames depending on which crew I work with. I'm Lampie, Crowlette, Twinky, Rogue, Scumbag, Neeko, Bitch, Lights, Babydoll, Flo, or plain old Nicole.

I love what I do. It's a niche I fit into nicely. Even if there are extra silly little problems like not being able to rig things above my head without my bra slipping up or not being able to bend over without falling out. Having my hair scraped up on the top of my head and having people think that I won't be able to lift and carry as much as them (actually I give them a run for their money, mwahaha).

And I just relish the opportunity to creative. Whether it's designing and building stage sets or throwing a lighting design together, I love watching my ideas come to life. It's my ultimate goal, to be in a position to make the shows I work on as they are in my head. I'm glad every day that I was raised around all this, that my dad would take me to work with him and that I could learn that way. People in the industry find it hard to believe that I have sixteen years of experience given that I am just shy of twenty years old myself. Start young, I say!