...And then they paid me.

[Hola! Waiting for more pictures from last week to surface on Facebook before I write about it, so this here is how I 'recovered' from the week]

Last week at Bewerley Park was crippling. I'm green with bruises. I very nearly totalled a canoe. I fell from a platform onto a trapeze at fifty feet. I was shucked over a nine-foot wall only to land on my face. I fell into some rapids.

I'm a mess.

So it's totally okay that the first thing I said to my mum after a week of zero contact was 'need... vodka...'

Fast forward to the next day...

"Don't forget you're babysitting tonight."

Babysitting?!

Pah.

I was meant to be looking after my friend Helena, who's totally awesome and acts almost twice her age.

And look what she brought.



Most of this is gone.

The girl has initiative.

So basically we spent the entire night eating takeaway and watching Miami Ink because OH MY GOD IT'S SO COOL and then we lost the lids to three of the big bottles so we had to drink it all. D'oh.



I was feeling pretty ill by this point.

And then we relocated and ended up on Facebook, and then Helena went on webcam where Helena was getting slagged off by her 'friends' because she was showing off a wee bit too much with le alcohol and they were right crazy jealous because she's 12 years old and then I took over and started challenging them like the AWESOME big fake-sister I am and won, so I'm sure Helena has awesome street rep now, assuming it is all measured in units.



Denying the fact that I'm the worst person in the world.

And then I stayed up all night. Not even in a sane way. I stayed up all night on webcam because my parents were doing filthy things that I cannot be expected to lie down in the dark and listen to so I plugged my headphones in and stayed on MSN until I fell asleep at 7am and woke up at 9am, still on webcam, pondering 'what the fuck'.



Screensaved by my mum at 8am.

And then! And then! BFF Main Gay.5 called and told me that I was meant to be in Wheldrake for a BBQ so ended up at his house where I fell asleep at least fifty times and ended up so slap happy from exhaustion I got no sleep that night.

And then I went to school.

There are many thousands of things I would rather have done than gone to school at that cruel time in the morning. Eaten a puppy, backflipped off of a moving bus into a vat of snakes, touched a spider - possibly -, anything, ANYTHING, other than waking up to that alarm.

All this after coming back from a week Bewerley Park, people.

Moral of the story: Be ye not so fucking stupid.