Eight things that the British truly suck at.

As a Yorkshire-ish and English person (I am NOT British, British implies the BNP, and I HATE the BNP) I have a fairly good perception of what a British person's vices are (though of course because I'm self-proclaimed Not-British, I have no vices. None. At all. Ever).

1. British people are crap at basketball. The guys? If they aren't on the school team they are terrible. The girls? They stop playing and have shrieking matches over who shoved who (seriously, Lauren head butted Bena today and was staggering around the court for ages after).

2. British people are stuck up. Love Actually was not exaggerating. Colin Frissell had the right idea about America all along.

3. British people are ugly people on the whole. That way, British music is actually good, because the musicians can't get rich from their looks, they actually have to work for it.

4. British people are damp. Yes. British people match the weather.

5. British people are orange. They are. They are addicted to sun beds. Like that woman in Pink's Stupid Girls video.

6. British people, particularly British people in the South of England, are shit at making tea. Only people in Northern England can make tea, beyond that, it's crap.

7. British people cannot take traditions seriously. They HAVE to commercialise everything. Valentine's Day and Christmas might have meant something other than tacky plastic decorations once, one never knows in this place.

8. British people are the worst excuse for a prosperous nation ever. My arse are they. Thanks to all the lovely kind people in London taking ludicrously large 'bonuses' every other week, we are all stuck in the midst of an economic crisis.

Thank you, Britain, thank you.