A Cherry I never want to lose.

Since I first started Fulford School back in ye olde summer of '04, there was someone who instantaneously became the biggest pain in the ass ever: Cherry Smith.

Can we get a picture of me and Chez over here please?



Umm... No. Not quite.



Ahh... There we go. Honestly... You can't get the staff these days.

So anyway. This is Cherry, some 4.8 years after we first met. Please note that for about three of those years, we could Not Stop Arguing.

Not even to save our own mothers. No. Arguing came first.

But then, something magical happened. Something so magical I don't even know what it was.

We suddenly had the ability to get on alright. I have no idea how this happened.

And now? We are awesome. Completely and unanimously awesome. So awesome we can't ever come into close contact in case it causes too much awesome. That's how awesome we are.

So imagine the possibilities when Cherry joined Twitter.

Mwahahahaha...

Round 1: Cackling as I watch her try to work out how the hell to use Twitter...

First tweet: "wondering how the hell Twitter works and if I even know anyone on here SAVE ME!!!"

...And then read all her tweets as she tries to find my profile. NICOLE, WHERE IS NICOLE?!

Round 2: Exchange of in-jokes that probably make us look like Communist fuck-buddies.

In regards to our history exams: "Remember the hotness the Lub(b)e caused... And that Stalin was a Communist, not a fairy."

Round 3: ZE GOOD FRENCH CAKE.

(...And other ways to remember what you learned in class.)

Me: "Ja ja le gut FRAAANNNCE CAKE YOU EAT IT LIKE DOG AND SHIT IT OUT AND YOU EEET IT EGEN YOU PEASANT."

Cherry: "You cannot use the French and German language together, it is a crime, have more respect!"

Me: "THE DUTCH DO IT!!! And you'd better believe me and the Dutch have a v. good rapport after my last Amsterdam weekend..."

Round 4: Ya momma's so fat...

Me: "Ya momma so fat... when she walks out in heels she strikes oil! BOOYAH!"

Cherry: "Yo momma's so fat she has her own postcode! Suck on that!"

Me: "Ya momma's so fat I had to take a train and two buses to get on her good side, yo!"

Cherry: "Yo momma's so fat when she jumped off a bridge, she went straight to hell!"

Me: "Ya momma's so fat that when she fell in love she broke it!"

Cherry: "Yo momma's so fat she had to go to SeaWorld to get baptized!"

At which point I gave up and let her win because she probably has a whole Google search engine of Ya Momma jokes at her disposal.

Cherry: "Yay! WW3 has ended!"

Me: "Make sure you tell ya momma..."

Round 5: FINALE - Pulling a Britney.

So today it was widely broadcast that I would be getting my hair cut. Why was this so controversial? Because I never cut my hair. Ever. It was the best part of a metre long. So when I returned home with the second most short hair I've ever had in my life from 3 years onwards, it had to spread around.

No less than three hours later, I threatened to pull a Britney and shave it all off.

Literally TWO SECONDS LATER, Cherry had responded.

Cherry: "Nicole you look gorgeous, I absolutely love your hair, don't do a Britney please you will look ridiculous! You look gorgey, love you!"

Can you not feel the hysteria behind that tweet? The panic?

10 out of big shiny 10 for the single most passionate tweet of the year.

Except in July when someone proposes to their girlfriend over Twitter.

You know it'll happen.

And at this late point I have come to three conclusions:

1. I love Cherry.

2. I use Twitter too much.

3. Pulling a Britney is not cool, kids, not cool.

I rest my case.