Lurky McStalkerson - like Santa only not terrifying.

[This was meant to be posted last Thursday but my pig-sister got in the way]

Let me start by saying that I haven't even remotely been flipping out over what to write here for the last week or so.

Not even a tiny bit.

Shut up.

No.

Instead, I spent today having a "strategic meeting" with Lemon and Denny about our upcoming endeavours in VAMPIRE TOWN Whitby (Ed. note: It was awesome) because Denny has an awesome house there.

Pretty soon we ended up on the York City Walls (alternative picture: When has the weather ever been that good here?) in a corner that we claimed on Christmas Eve which has a gorgeous view of the Minster and so we were sat around and on the gaps in the wall which Denny likes to push me through so that I FALL TO MY DEATH but I don't and it's just lucky she's so adorable or else I'd just have to kill her and I've forgotten what I was typing about.

Oh yes.

We were sat talking about everything and anything when a weird-ass, balding, Lurker-looking man strolls up and sits down opposite us. I'm sat on the far edge of the walls so I can see him and Lemon and Denny are talking. Now, I know this guy is listening in because he started laughing at the idea of Haddock (WHO HE DOES NOT KNOW) running around naked with a chainsaw, and so after about an hour we took off to walk around the walls (they surround Old York) and on the way we lost Lemon. We went full-circle and an hour and a half later we arrive back at square one and thought the man was gone...

It turned out that he was lurking behind the wall, scaring the shit out of me and leaving us greeting him rather hysterically, and then we ignored him.

Two minutes later: "Where's your mate?" meaning Lemon. I explained that she'd left and carried on talking to Denny, and eventually he left, leaving me and Denny guessing what he wanted, other than Lemon's marvelous tits, obviously.

And then! And then!

He came lumbering back, at which point Denny and I took off like a shot.

Stupid lurker-man.

Tonight I'd sleep with one eye open but I fear that it'd get all dry and shrivel up like a raisin.

Huh. Connundrum.

Anyway, in happier, less lurky news, the Red Arrows were flying today, which means we'll be seeing some gorgey displays soon.

Here's a teaser:





Trivia: On top of being a black rapper, Jude Law's nanny and Eminem's bitch, I also want to enter the Red Bull Air Race.

Awesome sauce.