Disclaimer: Angelina Jolie is not a Nazi

Feast your eyes upon this:



Terrifying, I know, but this just happens to be her appearance in the oh-so-cheesy 'Sky Captain And The World Of Tomorrow' and is also the face of what tried to kill me in a dream I had recently.

It was truly a one-of-a-kind experience.

It all started off with me suddenly and, let's face it, horrifically becoming a surrogate mum for BFF Main Gay.5 and his girlfriend, when we were captured by Nazis. I started yelling about how I was pregnant and BFF Main Gay.5 was all "Excuuuuse me!" and his GF was all "WE PAID FOR A WOMB WITH A VIEW!" (!) and then loads of people from school arrived and I noticed that Angelina Jolie a la Sky Captain And The World Of Tomorrow was there with a wheelbarrow full of gluesticks and she was making Jordan from my year at school eat them and then he died because EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT PRITT STICKS ARE LETHAL KILLING MACHINES and then I realised that we were actually at school and OhMyFuckingGodTheNazisHaveTakenOverFulford so we escaped out of a window into a desert where we got caught and the Mummy himself invited us in to his pyramid, but after he found out I was allergic to cats he was all "BITCH!" and we had to leave.

THEN we were 'saved' by these Soviets who took us back to school and it turns out they were the Nazis' cousins and they all tried to turn us into boulders using that spray-on sealer stuff that's orange and expands when you squirt at people and/or spiders (vile little bastards...)

And that's when I woke up.

Phew. Game over.

I was of course traumatised for several days but was disappointed to see the lack of concern when I told BFF Main Gay.5 who, after I stressed that Angelina Jolie had tried to kill us, told me that it was just a dream.

JUST a dream!?

Ha. Hardly. It's the thought that fucking counts.