I could teach them a few things about dual burden...

I have this awesome teacher formally known (by me) as Our Lord Archer. He is a l-l-legend. He's like the Eastender, twisted, cynical, brutish, bear-like, working class equivalent of Stephen Fry.

Amazing, I know. He killed a man with a packet of Quavers.

Now, Our Lord Archer is the tame evil overlord of social sciences. I study psychology and sociology AND he's my form tutor. There is not a day that goes by that I don't see this man at least once, and he happens to set the part of my mind labelled 'blog' in motion more or less every lesson.

However, due to his cynicism I find myself picking apart everything he says with an almost cruel intensity, and due to the fact I have a two-track mind which talks away to itself, it can be pretty interesting to be in my mindset during one of Our Lord Archer's lessons.

You know how you have an inner dialogue that rattles away in your head and supplies a dumb commentary to your otherwise meaningless and monotonous life?

Sometimes it's like I have TWO. It's HELL. It's PERIL. It's a DAY of UNECESSARY capitals, PEOPLE.

Most of the time my head just rattles with information I've been fed at school and lists of stuff I've got to do when I get home, but sometimes my head splits in two and starts chewing away at my brain, and then you get The Twins.

They're evil. They're annoying. They're diabolic. They're the two kids your friend has who argue all the time and don't stop talking and you just want to kill them but you can't because you owe that friend quite a bit of money even though she's said it doesn't matter but if you maim her children she might make you pay her back and you can't because you spent all your money on top-class male hookers, yeah?

They're THOSE people. You know... Them.

Meet voice in italics. She's a little sarcastic, immature as hell and spends her time bugging her twin sister and singing annoying songs very loudly.

And meet voice in bold. She's much more mature than her sister in italics, she is very sensible and straight-laced and to-the-point and what not. She likes to get the moral high ground, whereas her sister just plays for kicks.

Generally I prefer italics, but don't tell bold because she's a snooty cow, let me tell you...

These bitches argue like there's no tomorrow, people.

So imagine what happened when I had an entire day filled with Our Lord Archer. If you could get internal headaches, I would have a Really Big One.

Our Lord Archer: (about tutorials) I've made myself as available as possible, you all just need tah (he says 'tah' instead of 'to'. It's a Southern thing, I guess...) touch base with my every now and again.

Internal dialogue: Touch base? Which base? Second base or beyond? Shut yer hole.

Nicole: *suppressed snigger*

---

Later:

Our Lord Archer: Statistics are great, so according to that graph if you lose some lard of yer arse, you'll get really smart.

Nicole: That makes no sense, sir.

Internal dialogue: It makes perfect sense, your butt is solid gold. More or less true, but you are really smart, sort of.

Nicole: *slightly raised eyebrows*

---

Later still:

Our Lord Archer: The purpose of humans is to be born, to suffer and to cease, it's all we're good for.

*silence*

Classmate: But that's bull, sir. What about happiness? You can be happy, we don't suffer all the time.

Our Lord Archer: Happiness doesn't exist.

Internal dialogue: *stirring* Ohh...? Haha, you can see the pre-sermon glow around him. Wait for it...

Our Lord Archer: Yes, *says something too fast for my poor Northern ears to understand and interpret about happiness being a status and something else about souls and evidence and existing and then concluding a minute later with:* And so happiness and the concept of being happy does not exist and so a break from suffering is all we experience in reality.

*silence, inside and out*

Inner dialogue: ...Jesus fuck, that's depressing.

---

And finally:

Our Lord Archer: I'm very cold towards people, I don't form emotional attachments because I don't have the mindset to do that. It was only after my children formed an attachment to their mother that I started playing with them because I believed that was important.

Internal dialogue: You know what this means, don't you? Uh huh. After the bodies started appearing, he prepared to cut and run.

Nicole: *blink*

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Never change, sir. Never change.