Oh My God I Hate That Song.

Here in L'Angleterre our children (I have four) are subjected to singing assemblies at school.

NB: This is where we are all forced to stand up, stare at terribly cheesy lyrics and sing along to terribly cheesy music whilst hating ourselves and watching our lives glide away as fast as they can.

Example:

Conkers, lots of lovely conkers
I'm trying hard to find the biggest and the best

A particularly quirky tune about conkers. I hate conkers now.

Then there was 'cum bi arrrrr' that eventually turned into '2 pi r' in year 10 maths because we all want to know the circumference of a circle. It's definitely preferable.

Then there was a particularly haunting song about school rules.. Which was hysterical just because it was terrifying.

Don't tell tales and don't tell lies
Don't be cheeky or unkind
...We're learning...We're learning...

Scary as hell, even without the tune.

I'm only saying this because my household is finally free of these horrors. Cleo, God rest her soul, has started my terrifying school that made me all depressed and shit and let me tell you, singing in assembly? Punishable by death.

Good luck Cleo. May the odds be ever in your favour.