*Ping* AHH!

Alors... I got my new uniform today. It's DIRE.

Imagine the thinnest black material you can, then stretch it across my butt and hoik them up to Simon Cowell-esque heights and you have the trousers pictured clearly.

Imagine the reddest of red shirts making my hair look grey whilst barely restraining my poor, abused boobs. And the shirt doesn't really go past the waist.

It's tight in all the wrong places. The trousers balloon out in a vile way. The buttons on the shirt are ready to pop open (settle down, settle down) and take someone's eye out and then scar them for life.

The only redeeming factor is that I have my very own Argos fleece of my very own that is mine awl mine and is very, very snuggly.

And I won't lie. This top makes my boobs look voluptious and crapulous (real word, totally applies here) and big and stuff.

And I have the red hair to go with the company logo.

And I wear turquoise eyeshadow to go with the store colours.

All I need now is A, R, G, O and S earrings for my left ear and I'm done.