Inside my mind

Joy. General Owen-ness has spread to my MySpace page, he keeps leaving messages.

God I wish he would leave me alone...

I wish I could tell him to, if not for my sake then for his, because I am under no circumstances going to return his love and also I know that the longer he keeps this up the more it's going to hurt him later, and the more I'll feel I have to stick around where I'd rather not.

That's my problem. I'm too ruled over by my conscience that I'm effectively crippled. If not that, I'm definitely sanctioned.

(and Valentina, I've just checked the forum... I want to talk to you about this but I'm having to appear offline all the time to avoid Owen)

Well... Emma, Anna and Tilda woke up this morning and were talking about me because they'd all heard me talking in my sleep, I pretended to be asleep and listened to them ramble on about it. Apparently I had said 'Stop it!' once and then said 'I can't breathe!' Hmmm... I can't remember what I was dreaming about exactly.

My mum phoned and so I had to pretend to wake up. I grumbled down the phone for a little while but I don't think I made sense (I rarely do first thing on a morning) and so I phoned her back a couple of minutes later claiming to be more coherent.

We all took turns getting washed and dressed and by the time I had got a bath and was dressed everyone was packed up and downstairs getting breakfast. We were annoyed that Anna's sister's friends had eaten and drank all our food and so Emma and Tilda went to the shop. After I while I went down to the cash point to withdraw some money for the America Fund.

Went back to the house and had some coffee before cleaning the kitchen. Anna's mum arrived and we finished cleaning the house (well, the parts of the house our group were in... Anna's sister's friends can clean the rest) before packing up and driving home...

I started trying to choose whether to read Twilight or Chocolat. I realised there really was no competition and read a couple of chapters of Twilight, I swapped and read a chapter of Chocolat to make up for it. Anna's mum said I'd get travel sickness if I tried to read whilst travelling but I said I wouldn't, of course now I was aware of the fact I started to feel sick and had to stop... I couldn't shake the sickness off because of the jolty indie music playing in the car. I turned my MP3 player on and was listening to Mostly Autumn when I tipped my head back and tried very hard not to think. Occasionally I would try to pick up Twilight and start reading again but I felt too sick. I gave up and closed my eyes again. Tilda picked up Twilight (fearless, that one...) and started to read, Anna was amazed that I'd let her touch the book at all.

It made me sad when I heard the pages turn as Tilda read, I didn't want the books to corrupt her mind too, I hoped they wouldn't affect her so badly.

I opened my eyes once and saw she had the cover bent around the back of the book as she read it, I winced and asked her to be careful, she saw the obvious pain on my face and I think my obsession with the books clicked into place in her head. We were in the car for a long time as we were stuck in traffic so Tilda had read a fair bit of the book by the time we pulled up outside my house. I let her borrow it. She was really understanding about it... Making sure I'd be ok without the book. I think this weekend has helped clear up some clouded areas of our knowledge of each other...

Tilda promised to try read the book fast and is also letting me borrow a Coldplay album.

Cool.

Got home and collapsed on the sofa... I was instantly pissed off at my sister.

Made the gravy to go with dinner... It wasn't bad at all...

I unpacked my suitcase and got a shower, it was freezing when I got out and I crawled into bed to read New Moon for a while.

It took a lot of willpower to get out of bed and finish packing my school bag...

I remembered to put my money in the America Fund and it felt good to do it. I think this is a good thing, it feels right to be taking the America Fund seriously and so I guess America is the right way to go.

I'm lying on my bed (it feels great to be back in my room) typing away on my laptop now...

I hate this feeling though... It's felt great, natural even, to be away from school, and I don't want to go back there tomorrow and feel terrible all the time...

Ugh.

Joy.

Though I guess I can daydream for a little while...

Ha, a little while... I'll be dreaming all day.

I can update Die Zeit then.

Sie Erfasst Mein Herz.