How I lost my soul in Morrisons supermarket.

One of my pet hates is when supermarkets change their layout. My local - Morrisons - has done it and I keep forgetting so I always leave with only half of what I meant to buy and a pulsing urge to slap some bitches sideways.

Today I went shoe shopping with BFF Main Gay.5 which is actually more agonising than clothes shopping with him. I was wearing my mutilated old work shoes and was feeling it after an hour or so. In the evening, I went into Morrisons looking for burgers, sausages and bacon. Not that much to ask, no? But still I ended up stranded in Morrisons after circling the place five times, pacing the aisle and glued to my phone.

I called my mum for back up because she's generally very calm in these situations (other than the time she abandoned the trolley and stormed out of Tesco) but instead I got the worst possible answer:

"Hello Mofo." said a strangely accented voice.

"Cleo?! What the fuck? Put Mum on."

"She's not here."

"Why? What have you done?"

"She's gone into the store."

"And why have you got her phone?"

"I dunno."

"So how am I supposed to call her?" Panic stricken by this point.

"I dunno."

"Fuck it. I'm hanging up."

"Bye Mofo."

*click*

So I ran around Morrisons looking for my mum, my shoes flapping and my feet killing. Two minutes later someone calls my attention, I'm so stressed out I don't even think notice my feet feeling slightly cold.

"Excuse me! You've left something of your shoe here." A nice man said, pointing to a black mess of tortured rubber a few feet away.

I looked at it. I looked at him. I looked at my basket, which was empty, and said:

"Yes I expect that'll be the sole of my shoe."

I said thanks and walked out of Morrisons with my shoe doing rings around my ankle.

I hate that place so fucking much right now.