"That's life, this life."

I'd say I've been waiting around for shit to start happening but that would be a lie, children.

I've been waiting for shit to stop happening. It still hasn't stopped but I've got time for you now between lying in bed reeling at my considerable luck or lack thereof and watching Moomin DVDs.

Where did I leave off? Oh yes. Valentine's Day, which was spent working and generally taking the piss out of my managers as per usual ("There's an easier way to shift stock, you know, Nicole." "There's an easier way to shift YOUR FACE." "Yeah... well... YOUR MUM'S FACE!" "Oh! But... YOUR MUM'S FACE'S FACE'S- Oh, can I help you sir?"). I also met up with my cousins who are the very Faces Of Awesome, but due to 'unforeseen circumstances' such as my auntie being a magician's assistant and being cut in half (that's what she says whenever she show us all her battle scars) and the fact that Oslo is probably closer than they are in merry ol' Norfolk (near London), I haven't seen them in maybe four years. (I've just looked it up. Norfolk is closer than Oslo - WHEN DID NORWAY GET SO FAR AWAY?)

Gawwwwd I love them.

The funeral was on Monday, and Christicles, it was funny. I'm sorry, it was. I was, no fear, choking up for the beginning bit when the coffin showed up and then when my brother and co. carried it into the crematorium (why, WHY did there have to be smoke rising from the fecking chimney when we arrived?), but after a while it was such a God-awful affair that it was ust hilarious. The night before, we'd all met up at my aunt's house to get a stoopid bluddy hymn nailed out because we didn't know which version we had. After waaaaay too much faffing we thought we had it and then at the funeral we gave everyone these song sheets only to discover that the version we'd given the Co-op people was too short and so we missed 4 verses and that was the end of that.

Someone nicked off with the ministers clothes, and so he apologised if his ankles offended anyone because he had to borrow a gown that was too small for him.

"What's New Pussycat?" started playing at the end and I couldn't stop laughing. The minister gave me a death-grip handshake afterwards.

My mum had bought all the granddaughters/great-granddaughters little silver crosses except for me, and I put about that it was because the shop didn't have enough crosses. At the after party (that's all I can describe it as... a funeral after party) my sister put about the slightly more accurate though rather extremist idea that "Really? Mum said it was because you hate God." Thanks Cleo. You've really cleared me with the distant relatives.

The after party... Ohhh... It was at my aunt's house, and I spent most of the night drinking amazing concoctions that my recently-18 cousin made. "Torangina" was the favourite all round - gin, tonic and orangina. 'Twas most nomful.

Nearly died instantly whilst 'holding' a roll-up. Never laugh with a roll-up in your mouth. The conversation after I recovered went something like: "Well you're supposed to inhale!" "I KNOW THAT! BUT YOU'RE NOT MEANT TO INHALE THE WHOLE FUCKING CIGARETTE!" at which point my sister started her sniffing campaign because she's a Suspicious McSnifferson.

It was a random night. My camera is full of videos of making melty marshmallow biscuits, dancing to Michael Jackson's Thriller in sync, and trying to find the right proportions for "Jesusful Torangina". My auntie upheld one of my favourite memories of my grandma, a conversation a few weeks before she died about how she'd spent her better days scoring LSD with my auntie. I was running backwards and forwards fetching spliffs for said auntie by the end of the night.

I love my family. We do this funeral shit in style. I can proudly say my grandma would have loved it. It was a pretty intense send-off. It had every attendee in bed for all of the next day.

Yesterday the sun shone on a party,
And everybody shone at the sun.

Mostly Autumn - The Spirit Of Autumn Past (Part II)