Let meeeeeme entertain you. (do, do, doo...)

Well well. I wrote in my planner of undisguised awesome (everyone else's are black and gold, mine's black and green with two holes in the front - yeah!!) that I was going to write a blog tonight, but honestly? I'm dying a little bit this week, so I'm going to reply to a thing Jassie tagged me on Facebook because hell if I'm not tired.

25 Things But I'm gonna pretend my finger slipped so now it's just "15 Things"

(If you can't be arsed with this, just scroll to the bottom where there is a picture of something I discovered this week which was just... SOUL SHAKING...)

1. Actually, I can't think of anything. Let's make it 10 Things.

2. I'm in love with really simple stuff. Sleep, authentic Coca Cola, a bar of Galaxy chocolate and a decent film is all I need to recover from the world's worst week, month, decade.

3. The smell of my parents' farts makes me cry. They fart depression. I lose my faith in humanity for a good couple of hours.

4. I'm the world champion of the card game Spit. Ditto Snap.

5. I once conspired to get into America by marrying my half-American friend. Didn't work and now I have no grounds on which I can apply for a visa. Daym.

6. My brother used to handcuff me to our balcony and shoot me with a BB gun. My parents confiscated both and I haven't seen either item since. Good, character-building stuff.

7. I taught my nephew to say 'asssshoooooole' a la Meet The Fockers because my brother had already taught him to say 'Arse-nool', after Arsenal, our favourite team.

8. I'm unusually awesome at baseball on WiiSport. I have stamina and a stammer (only a little one).

9. I use the words 'chebly', 'lober' and 'meathead' way too much, even if they aren't actual words. My friends are strange and wonderful beings...

10. I have a crippling fear of spiders that covers cuddly, fluffy toys that vaguely resemble spiders. The word 'spider' makes me feel ill. I have arachnophobia of the nth degree.

Oooeeeefff. Effort. It burns.

And now... This here Tuesday I was a-mindin' my own business, playing chess and the sort, when I looked down to discover something... epic.

Behold...



I think we've all come to the same conclusion...

Jesus is coming. Hide the pawn.