No one can say I didn't try.

Me and my sister do not get along by any stretch of the imagination. People used to despair over this, but now it's just a source of amusement. I find it vaguely hilarious and then acutely depressing.

My sister Cleo is, in my opinion, a spoilt, attention-seeking, idiotic, whiney, pathetic, dirty, hateful, egotistical hypochondriac. She is also very, very annoying and generally an unnecessary person (go figure).

To her, I'm probably a nerdy, bookish, mean asshole.

It's probably worth pointing out that I am a nerdy, bookish, mean asshole.

At any rate, we don't get along. She's a terrible person in my eyes, I'm an unsupportive clam in hers, it's a long since done deal. My mum loves nothing better to blame me for the way Cleo turned out, and that does nothing to help our relationship at all. There is no understanding between me and my sister. She doesn't like music, it's the climate I live in, she likes to talk about herself to anyone who will listen (and those who won't) whilst I prefer to keep quiet, she has no sense of humour, I find everything funny, she'll make herself out to be a victim ALL THE TIME, I'll find her kicking the ever-loving shit out of some poor kid when I pick her up from school. The girl is a terrible human being.

Though I know that I'm no better. I know that I'm terrible to her, just by the way that I ignore her. But I have to. She doesn't bring out any good side in me, and I don't feel good around her, or around home, so I block her out along with everything. I'm a terrible sister to her. I get this.

We share a bedroom, which is separated by two wardrobes and a few pieces of cardboard that I nabbed from the council. Since she discovered that I can't sleep with the light on, she's been 'scared' of the dark and has had the hall light on all the time. I can't sleep, making me grouchy and tired and generally very hateful towards her, and then my mum for being so blinkered. Even my brother, who can sleep through any situation, complained about the light getting into my room when he crashed on the floor.

Sometimes I get so frustrated with her and everyone that I just walk out. I usually get into trouble which never helps, but I need the space that I don't get at home.

But I do try sometimes. I'll take her out into town, alone or occasionally with my friends (usually with BFF Main Gay.5 because she's a massive homophobe and must learn). I'll write up lists of songs she might like to burn to a CD, but then she'll do something that pisses me off and I'll tear them up. I might find a film or a book she'll like but then she ruins them. It always ends the same.

I said I'd take her to the cinema this weekend, which I think will be good for her. I like taking Cleo to different places, mostly because she's less of a shit when she's on her own, and I'm feeling more forgiving. I'm dragging BFF Main Gay.5, Cherry, Lemon and Anner and Mo-Balls with me too (I have strange names for my friends... I know. Though Cherry is actually Cherry's real name) if they're not busy. Work, school and hours of blogs, books and music aside, I'm the only one who isn't perpetually busy. I spend a lot of time rotting away at home, and I think we all know the amount of good that does me (hint: it begins with Z- and ends with -ERO).

I get tired of people saying I don't make and effort with things, because it's not true, at least not to me. I'm so exhausted with all these little things that if I've done something, it seems like an effort to me.

If, as I hope, I leave home in a few years, go onto better things and things at home go wrong, no one can blame me anymore. No one can say I didn't try, because I've been trying all along, in my own way. They just have to accept that.