It's only a matter of time.

Got this song in my head and it's been there all day.

Still a good song, but I'd prefer a little variation.

Anyways.

I'll give you a little update of today. (HEY SIR I KNOW YOU ARE WATCHING ME!)

Today I started doing volleyball in PE at the university. The short of it is that I mutilated four members of my team.

Guess how many members there were on my team.

You got it... Four.

I'm in for a looooong school term.

I'll be home in a couple of hours, sat here with Cherry (who is now following my blog... Woop!) in IMedia and she's reading what I'm typing but I'm ignoring her and now she is laughing or was but I don't know anymore.

Hehehehe, she says.

But I'm saying nothing.

Peace out.

I hate you. And you. Aaaaand you.

(This is my official 400th post... [we are going to ignore the fact I deleted over 500 other posts on 'old blog'] ...this is enough reason for you all to go out and celebrate... so... uhh... do that.)

I haven't got anything to post today. I was considering taking a leaf out of Ben's book/blog and stepping back from blogging for a couple of days so I could think of some ideas but I've tried that before and it just doesn't work (for me, anyway).

I'm at home today. I actually went to bed reasonably early but I'm so frayed up I'm not sleeping at all. Woke up at 8.10am, and the bus had already gone. There was NO way I'd be rushing around adding more and more stress to my schedule and when my mum started shouting I just gave up and cried.

And I mean really cried.

Everyone left and I was abandoned to ponder how crappy life is...

And then why...

So why is my life crappy? I'll give you twenty good reasons.

1. My head aches.
2. It's too hard. I'm only fifteen years old, leave me alone.
3. My drama teacher is the anti-Christ. She actually told me that my hair is losing me marks (NO ONE MESSES WITH THE DO!)
4. I'm hungry but there's nothing other than instant mash potato in the house.
5. My family are beyond understanding how stressed out I am, and act utterly surprised when I start shouting or crying.
6. My teachers keep loading more and more work on me.
7. I don't understand or care about either of my maths courseworks.
8. The year sevens are annoying me at school.
9. The year elevens suck (I'm a year eleven and I suck at life).
10. I want to read but if I start I won't stop so I can't.
11. I'm so tired. I don't sleep AT ALL and it's horrible.
12. Everything is harder than people make it sound.
13. I've just realised that I need at least £2000 in the America Fund before I can even consider using it for it's intended purpose.
14. It still bothers me when they sit that bit too close.
15. It bothers me that that bothers me.
16. My eyes are really stinging. I cried so hard that I've burst blood vessels around my eyes. I have no idea how long it will take before my face goes back to 'normal'.
17. I feel really unproductive but there's nothing I can do.
18. I tried to be Switzerland (neutral) in an argument between my friends and now I just want to be Venus and stay the hell away from it all.
19. The Urban Family are on the edge of meltdown and I don't like it.
20. I don't like the fact that a blog is one of the main reasons for it. (thankfully it's not my blog that poured petrol on the problem)

---

So yeah. I feel like there really is no place for me right now.

But fear not. I've been jotting stuff down in my Book Of Blog all week and I'm going to type it up on Saturday.

Which reminds me, I have a very busy weekend ahead of me and I won't be able to blog after school tomorrow (but I'll try to blog from IMedia - Friday's last lesson) because I am staying over at Ali's house with Tabs which will be awesome.

Anyway... To food! Food makes me happy.

I'm sorry.

To my reader/s - For Not posting anything particularly interesting (if ever) yesterday.

To my grandma - For passing on the chest infection that caused her to go into hospital thinking she was having a heart attack.

To Rhiley - For giving you the chest infection that developed into bronchitus and put you in hospital too.

To Ashley - For accidentally bringing the whole 'you slept with a thirteen-year-old you manwhore' thing to school.

To Ashley again - For bringing it up here.

To Anna - I hear my excuses for not going to the prom were not good enough.

To Tilda - Umm... I dunno, I've probably done something bad that you've been lovely enough not to mention *smiley*.

To Emma - Just generally. This shouldn't have happened.

Mum - It cannot be easy living with me and putting up with my cockiness on a daily basis.

Cleo - I don't like you much and you don't like me, but I'm sorry you're having a hard time at school.

Emma (Sister-In-Law) - I hear Gunner is driving you mad, you're so brave to take on a puppy!

Paul - Sorry you were dragged to see High School Musical On Ice, but I hear you enjoyed it more than the kids did.

The Poor Deluded Sod Webmaster Of Tarja And Marcelo Love Dot Com - I pity you.

Dad - Yeah. I wish we could talk more, maybe in a few years it'll get easier. Can you wait that long?

Tongue - I'm sorry I burnt you on that yummy food, but do you have to hurt so much? It's not very considerate you know.

My Three-Year plan - I haven't really been thinking of you have I?

Ali - Yeah. Here's something I never thought I'd say. I was really unfair to you - a prized bitch, I'd voucher. So... yeah. Sorry.

Tabs - Sorry we haven't kept in touch, but I'll see you on Friday, right?

Pride - I'm sorry I murdered you today. I'm sorry that I murdered you so much that you'll never ever ever come back until I leave the country under a false identity.

Joe - I should have warned you that Matt was stood there with the water-bottles shouldn't I?

Miss Robertson - Sorry about the mess on the floor. Joe and Matt had a water fight war and it got way out of hand.

Arse - Sorry I sat in that acid today. We WILL find the rest of you some day.

To all of these people/body-parts/parts of my ego, I'm sorry.

And then some.

Deluge

I've just counted up the weeks left before I break up from school officially and nearly passed out.

How many? A miniscule total of ten.

Ten!

This in turn opened up a floodgate in my head and I'm now drowning in worries that hadn't even occured me me before.

What if I fail my GCSEs?

What if I don't make it into sixth form?

What if I'm ill again?

What will the Urban Family do now?

If I get into sixth form, will school still be 'school' or will it become 'college'?

Will the work be too hard?

What if I don't get in?

What if the teachers are crap?

What if I lose touch with people?

What id I don't like what I study?

Will Hayley Bell kill me?

---

Ugh. Give me strength.

Further reasons to love Rach...

Agent Tomlinson and Agent Smith (only really works for Smiths like me...)

---

Rach is a spucking genius.

Look what she invented here.

Blogging soap, available in strawberry, banana and gooseberry flavours. Coming soon to a store near you.

Mum-quote Sunday.

[If she provides blog fodder next week I'll try make this a regular feature...

The game is on...]

Drugs TV



Me: Wow, that's... uhh... pretty?
Mum: I know, some people even take drugs for this kind of viewing.

Why you should never kiss boys [Twilight-style]

Emma: So Bella dies?
Me: Umm... Not in the traditional sense.
Cleo: Well does she?
Me: No, after the baby nearly kills her Edward turns her into a vampire.
Mum: And that's why you should never kiss boys.

Why I can never look at my dad again

Mum: I didn't know she was gay!
Me: Yeah... Interesting twist for Wife Swap, huh?
Hmm... Might try that...
Me: What? Being a lesbian?
Mum: Maybe...
Me: But what about Dad?
Mum: Nicky, you're father would actively encourage it.
*short pause*
Me: Where's the bleach? I need to be cleansed.

---

Odd's are she'll deliver.

A fantastic reason to love Rach as much as I do.

Bless her cotton socks for this one...

---

August Rush says:
I am going on a date with a cold-skinned predator myself later.

Emma's tagging along.

and this girl called Bella who seems nice.

and half the cinema too.

Rachel says:
cold skinned predator eh?

August Rush says:
yes.

he's tall too.

Rachel says:
who is this guy!?

August Rush says:
well he looks surprisingly like Robert Pattinson but they're not the same person really...

Rachel says:
who is he?

August Rush says:
hahaha...

Rachel says:
name?

August Rush says:
Edward.

Rachel says:
dont be silly

---

I thought it was over... But then it happened again later...

---

August Rush says:
gonna have to post that Edward convo on my blog btw ^^^^

Rachel says:
who is this Edward guy?

someone from school?

August Rush says:
looooooooooooool.

lemme find you a pic...

[Click]

ain't he luuurvely?

---

Rach is fabulous. Go check her out. Now. Immediately.

Ten words to sum up my day.

Coursework. Coursework, coursework, coursework. Coursework, coursework-coursework, coursework, coursework... Coursework.

So... Guess what I've been doing today!

I had planned to do my maths coursework at lunchtime but the internet fell through and I ended up blogging instead.

Ditto IMedia.

I then wandered home and thought it would be wise to sacrifice my Friday night (let's face it, do I EVER do anything interesting when I have free time anyway?) in order to do some work and clear my weekend, but of course I didn't factor my sister into the equation. She has her friend sleeping here, Kim, otherwise known as The One Who Cannot Entertain Herself For Five Minutes And Thinks That Annoying Nicole Is The Way To Go.

So I had done those Titration formulas for Chemistry... I did those Moments questions for Physics, I kept glancing at three books of to-be coursework that sat on my desk and and was fighting with the horribly college-level maths assignment that I don't understand or care about. I was on the edge already.

Enter Kim.

'Nicooole? Can I go on the laptop?'
'It's charging, hon.'
'Well can I go on your computer and play The Sims 2 Nicooooole?'
'I'm kind of using the desk right now, see?'
'Can you turn on Cleo's computer for me then?'
'Look Kim, I'm kind of busy right now, can you ask my mum to do it?'
'No, I'll work it out myself then.'

*Loud crash in Cleo's room*

*Loud sigh in my room*

Enter Cleo.

I'm not even copying down the trivial things she says here.

I then proceeded to text my mum...

'You know, it's kind of hard to work out chemical equations in your head when two brats who don't understand the word 'coursework' are screaming in your ear. You should try it sometime.'

(Yeah, I even text in correct English)

So they were taken to the supermarket to get some dinner (Indian food, yum yum) and I drowned my sorrows in a three-litre bottle of coke before starting work on my FSMQ (Free-Standing Maths Qualification) assignment on the maths of sea defences. Joy.

When mum came home she asked if Cleo could come up and watch The Simpsons really quietly as the downstairs TV was a funny colour, but I said I really needed to concentrate. Mum rolled her eyes and walked out. I shouted for it. Why should she roll her eyes? She doesn't understand how stressed I am. She doesn't get it. No one seems to get it other than my friends, who are drowning in work just as badly as I am. I had a little cry after that. I hate pressure. I made myself stop crying and drank more sugar-juice (coke) to cheer myself up.

I took a leaf out of Tilda's book and used many many many different colours. I saw the opportunity and took it - I turned my maths coursework into an art exam. This made it slightly more bearable, I got half way and gave up, we only needed to make a start on it after all.

History exam next... I'd been sat in history quite innocently when my teacher sprang 'exam assessment' on us. I hadn't done said exam and reminded her of this. I ended up in the history office doing the goddamn exam without ANY prior revision. The word 'blag' doesn't quite cover it. I set to work finishing the history exam and towards the end I was feeling more and more sorry for myself and my fingers hurt from writing.

I stopped after that. No more work. It pisses me off that I've been working for fourteen hours today and I still haven't got any closer to the end of this stuff. I feel so futile it's unreal.

So now I just want to chill with my blog, and other people's blogs, and chat.

No more work.

No play either.

But no more work.

Not until tomorrow morning at least.

This is a crap time to be alive. I don't like dreading the weekend and hating the week. It's not a very good excuse of a lifestyle. Nor is it a healthy one, but I'll cope, I'll get through and I'll laugh when it's all over and I'm faced with much more important things like poverty and the economic crisis.

So, I'm stressed right now. That solid month of illness did me no good. I missed so much work and loads of exams. I fell behind and couldn't catch up. I couldn't ask for help because everyone was ahead and trying to learn something else. Nothing is more stressful than falling behind. But this round of exams is over for now. I'm onto new topics and new modules, it's 'just' coursework now and I know what I'm doing, even if what I'm doing is WAY too much for my mental capacity.

So, a sort of new start.

And I WILL NOT fall behind again. I just don't have the nerves to withstand that.

This is the worst excuse for a Friday night EVER.

The nephew update

My two nephews. from Nicole Smith on Vimeo.

Meet Rhiley and Gunner.

Because student life is boring.

Did I ever tell you I want to be a writer?

Well I do.

And I'm well on the way to becoming one which is nice. I write blogs, I write stories, I write guides, I LOVE English lessons, I tell stories too my nieces and I come up with plots in my drama class.

So... I was just on guidespot being awesome (like you do) and I wrote a guide on being a smart-ass (by request, which was nice) and discovered that the person who asked me to write the guide was a 'freelance writer'.

Naturally I was instantly curious and researched this.

And look what I found during my surfing:

'Writers may also create the content for websites'

It's official. We're not just bloggers, we're writers.

I feel all smug and fulfilled, I can now fill in the job section of all my internet profiles as something other than 'dreamer' and 'student'. After 12 years of being a student a change becomes more than welcome.

So yeah. Nicole Smith: Freelance writer.

Too cool for school, clearly.

[By the way, if you want me to write a guide on something on Guidespot.com just leave a comment and I'll have a go at it]

It's all about us.

I have this fantastic RE teacher called Mr Molyneux (say molly-new). He's awesome. He conducts lessons through a series of utterly irrelevent anecdotes and is about as submissive with teaching as I am - meaning he will NEVER teacher people the way he's been told to (just as I'll never do as I'm told without a second thought, I contradict EVERYTHING). He actually told us to scribble out the 'Religious education' part on the front our books and write 'Life studies' because it sounded prettier. He also told us about the different chemicals in cigarettes whilst smoking out of a window. I love this man.

To quote my friend Evan 'I love this lesson... It's like lessons in life with uncle Molyneux...'

This week we were talking about inclusion and detention and crappy teachers (the odd thing was that we were actually learning about human nature) and he told us all that we as students were the most important people in the school, that we didn't have to be there and we should shout out and demand respect where we don't get it.

I really like this idea.

So next time the Taylor-woman banishes me to inclusion for breathing or the snooty cow at reception snaps at me for being late or ill I'll just take a deep breath, stand tall and stare them down. Then when they are cowering at my obvious awesomeness I'll remind them...

'Excuse me, but I think you'll find that I'm rather important around these parts.'

---

And so if you are at work/school/home and someone fails to appreciate your genuine one-ness, just bear in mind that, in fact, you are extremely important. You are you. And only you can be you. Let them try being you for a day, they'd suck at it.

Archives: The beginning of the end

It’s my new year’s resolution to swear less, and in light of that I feel you should know where my potty mouth was born.

Not interested?

It was in the middle of a river.

Still not interested?

Piss off for a few minutes please.

---

One of my aunties used to live in this massive old Tudor house with four other families. She lived – and still lives – in Norfolk, and me and various members and friends of my family went to stay there for a while seven summer ago.

My auntie Carrie is difficult to describe. She’s got this kind of infectious enthusiasm and infamously got my mother drunk and fell asleep in a field at three o’clock in the morning after ‘walking the goldfish’.

One day auntie Carrie took me and my cousins - Megan, Aaron, Kira, Charlotte and Charlotte’s friend Katherine - to Longleat Forest for the day. It was fairly warm – summer – and me and my sister had just invested in an inflatable boat. This, of course, became the star attraction.

We’d been swimming in the river all day. We were covered in green algae and Megan had had a run-in with some leaches but we were children, we didn’t care so much. I decided to utilise my boat as it was too cold to stay in the water but I didn’t want to leave it just yet. Katherine came with me.

Now let me remind you that this was a river that we were floating in.

We’d been cruising in a shallower part of the river; the oars could still touch the floor. Soon this wasn’t the case. The scenery was different – wilder. Reeds were creeping closer on both sides and the oars were no help against the current anymore.

I’d heard all the stories; parents being told not to let their children play in boats by the sea. It hit me hard. This could end up in the sea.

I started screaming. Katherine told me to calm down. Megan and Charlotte had started swimming after the boat. Grabbing the tow rope I screamed at her...

‘CALM DOWN?! I WILL NOT CALM DOWN! THIS RIVER COULD GO ROUND HALF OF BLOODY ENGLAND FOR GOD’S SAKE!!!’

And that’s the story of my first cuss word.

Uhh... Shit.

List of things that went wrong today:

- I very very very very nearly missed the bus, I had to run after it and the people were laughing at me when I sat down.

- We (my unanimous drama class) made our drama teacher cry by reading out notes we'd left to our late drama teacher (RIP Dennis Baker) in the card we made him.

- I very nearly didn't hand in my drama and English exams on time.

- I was given two more pieces of history coursework to add the one piece of history coursework that sits pending submission in my harddrive.

- My history teacher - whilst she has abandoned hating me for the moment - has decided that picking on me for every answer under the guise of 'And to the pro of accuracy questions... Nicole! Tell us your answer' is the way to go. I gave her the most disparaging look I could muster.

- I got NO sleep.

- Ginny has OCD - Obsessive Cullen Disorder. I died a little upon hearing this.

- Simon struck the fear of God into me by telling me how he was going to kill JJ in English.

- Anna made everyone think that I was crushing on Evan - a move I will not forgive her for easily... (But then I looked into her big blue eyes and had to give up on trying to throw a tantrum. Dammit.)

- Mr Kel (he teaches sadistics/statistics) is an idiot. And also very boring. So boring, in fact, that I sank to the lows of realising that he has a very shapely bum.

- I was having vampire-related hallucinations.

---

And now, a list of things that were right today:

- I didn't have to suffer the wrath of my French teacher.

- Me and Bena realised that Romeo and Juliet weren't so much in love as extremely horny.

- I sang 'Good King Wency-lus' (dunno how you spell it) at lunchtime. It was funny.

---

Now. Here's the little fucker (fear the F-bomb) that has cancelled out anything remotely good about this day.

Rhiley, my baby [nephew], is in hospital.

He's got bronchitis... But he's so small.

Flip, flipper and flippin' hell.

All work, no play.

Yes. I'm a very dull boy.

Or girl.

Or whatever.

School was absolute MURDER. I'm dying inside right now. Everyone has come back Twilight-obsessed and it bugs me. Why? Because Twilight is mine.

And also because they haven't even read the books, they just saw the film and went 'ZOMGOMGOMGOMG!!! BITE ME RPATTZ!' and now they all want life-size cardboard cutouts of Edward Cullen for their birthday. (Ok, this is just Emma, but whatever)

Oh, and the evil Perez Hilton said that they are making Twilight perfume.

I've said it before and I've said it again.

Bite me.

Ugh! It's so generic and commercial! Why do the media take it too far every time?!!!

Ugh.

Anyway. Twilight child brides aside, school was miles better than I thought it would be. Teachers didn't kill me, science wasn't too boring, exams were sorted easily enough, we didn't perform in drama, I understood the maths work. That was all fine.

But my drama teacher died.

Yeah. That's right.

I don't mean to sound cold-hearted, it's just that the internet is cold and emotionless. I'm actually really sad about this, he was a genuinely great person who cared a lot about his students and wanted us to do well. I also discovered today that he was secretly gay too. The guy is a martyr.

I'm debating whether or not to go to the memorial service on Thursday. I'm still undecided.

When I got home I had to do two exams. My head was threatening to explode but it's all good now (as in, I gave up on the second one, so I'll just say I got writer's block).

Sorry this post is a little boring... I had a grand total of four hours sleep last night and I've been working for thirteen hours straight since.

You see, I had one of my two-in-the-morning epiphanies again...

I fell asleep, and then I woke up feeling wide awake and thought my alarm must be going off soon... I waited... and I waited... I looked at the clock... Two o'clock in the morning.

Fun.

Whilst lying awake in bed until five o'clock, I contemplated the meaning of life and came up with two irrelevent answers:

1. I am unconditionally and irrevocably in love with Oprah. I don't even know who they are, but I love them.

2. My body clock went on an extended trip to America without me knowing.

Don't worry about these boring posts... I have plans for much more interesting things...

Coming soon.

Nicole Smith - Definition:

Taking 'watching the world go by' to a whole new level...

Why you should never celebrate too soon:

Bowling with Mum and Cleo from Nicole Smith on Vimeo.

'Now Nicole goes up for a second ball, tension is mounting... Go, go Nicole as she stoops to conquer, completely misses and has a hissy fit'

Welcome to 2009.

Scary.

Well, just to be different, I entered 2009 singing along to Knights Of Cydonia by Muse (it was on the radio... I was so happy) and then watched an Elton John concert on TV.

Different.

Oh, I also drank more than my mother, which is a new one.

But I can hold my drink surprisingly well for someone who rarely drinks at all, look, no typos as of yet.

To entertain the kids we had a shoe-flinging contest which I won hands down. It's great way to get back at any pair of shoes that have ever giving you sore feet - fling them as far down the street as you can and then bristle with satisfaction at the noise it makes as it crashes to the floor.

Take that, poxy shoe.

---

As 2009 is a new decade (or something), it is the time for CHANGE on this blog, all of my New Year's Resolutions are going to be about here.

1. I will have no more melodramatic 'he loves me, he loves me not' blogging like I had from August 2007 to November 2008, because it's boring and embarrassing given my current relationship status. Instead I shall focus on writing interesting-ish things like anything I've written between November 2008 and now.

2. I will find a decent colour scheme and stick to it.

3. I will go out and do things and make things interesting to write about, and if not I'll think of something creative to write and not drone on and on about my favourite scapegoat - TheCosmicBloggingWall.

4. I'll make my posts more interesting-looking.

5. I will do at least one podcast a month.

---

Deal?