Worker Bee.

I'm dying inside and out. I had to walk/jog six miles to work and then start straight away because I was running late.. Then I was having a nightmare trying to find stock to put on display because we have NOTHING in stock, at all, ever. Three hours later I went on my break thinking I'd get a nice wrap from next door or something but NO. I had the joy of realising for the second day running, I couldn't afford to eat.

When work finished I was tired all over, my brain was tired, my feet hurt, I was hungry and felt slow. I had to walk another six miles home and when I got home, I just wanted to eat, watch crap TV and sleep.

Instead I ate, watched London Ink, London Ink, LA Ink, Miami Ink, Dancing Tweens, Miami Ink, Deadliest Catch... ate some more.. (shut up about my taste in TV.. I work hard)

My mum's car's off the road this month because she can't afford to tax it and my car's off the road because we can't find the insurance documents so I'm walking everywhere and I'm skint broke so I can't afford the bus and I work out of town so I'm running on my sentences and RARR.

I love my job, mostly. Getting there and back is a nightmare and I'm on my feet all day. I spent this morning being the duty manager and that wiped me out completely. When I'm this tired I don't want to take charge, I want to be told what to do, get it right and run in autopilot. Oh, and I like getting paid.

And now I've got all the references I need to apply for two more jobs. I like to work, I don't like to feel tired from working. I don't like feeling exhausted and doing a half-arsed job, pissing people off and feeling bad as a result.

Iiiit's a tough balance.

I'm gonna drop in my applications tomorrow maybe if I can scrounge the bus fare off of my brother, and then I'm gonna hope for the best.

I'm getting tired just thinking about it.