The one where I probably end up homeless.

Dear York City Council,

Hey guys... It's been a while, huh?

As in, WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU? I live in a council house so I'm kinda living in your house and therefore you should probably come round tout de suite and warm my feet up, because they're kinda in tootsie heaven right now.

I've got to go to work in seven hours, darlings, and that's to pay your rent, and I can't sleep because my feet have, for all points and purposes, died in the last two hours or so.

My legs keep spasming, probably because my veins have just been converted into ice luges.

It hurts to type because my fingers are so cold.

Yes, the windows are closed. Yes, I have put on socks. Yes, the heating is on.

Wait. Is it?

Okay, it is now.

What? Stop looking at me like that! It's cold okay. There are like, ice cubes in my head or something.

I still blame you entirely, York City Council.

Lots of love, ish.

Nicole "Blue Butt" Smith.