Red card.

I was walking around Monks Cross yesterday with fabulous hot chocolate when I thought to myself: "what would happen if you shaved the queen's head in her sleep?"

What would happen? Would you have to donate your hair to a wig, buy the wig, leave the country? Maybe you'd get beheaded. Anyway, it'd be a close shave (hahahaha - oh, nevermind).

Then I thought I saw Prince Philip (not likely, let me make that clear) so I started walking much faster before this very, very poncy guy started demanding I take his coat or something. I cannot deal with posh, toff-ish people.

Anyway, that's not what I was going to write about, because really, who would want to see the queen bald? She's not that good-looking to begin with.

(Shh... I didn't say that. That's like... treason or something.)

Today I'm going to tell you all about cards.

I usually have an hour or two free every day at school, and I always, always play card games. I'm pretty crappy at some games. I don't understand Hearts, for example. I'm okay at Snap, Irish Snap (believe me, there's a difference...), Shithead, Solitaire and Old Maid. I am, however, TOTALLY AMAZING at Spit and Bunty.

They're the faster games, slamming down cards and getting totally high on adrenaline is more or less how I spend my free periods. I'm good at Irish Snap and Snap when I play against normal people (note: my friends generally aren't normal).

So today, I managed to sustain an injury whilst playing Irish Snap against a first-time player.

Irish snap is like snap except you place down a card and say a number even if it isn't the same number on the card, the next person places a card down and says the next number (eg. 7, 8, 9, 10, Jack...) and so on. If the number called is the same as the card or you get two cards the same, you snap them and keep the cards. If you put your hand down at the wrong time, you place your hand in the middle and every player takes turns to hit your hand.

This isn't how I ended up covered in blood (some not my own, to be fair) though.

My friend Ginny is insanely competitive, p'haps more than me, and so when it came to the actual snapping we'd end up with red-raw hands from it. One time, we both went to snap the deck and her fingernail got caught between my fingers. Her fingernail snapped off and embedded in my hand and we were both left bleeding.

Cue calls of "Oh my-fuck, oww!" from both of us.

Fun, fun, fun.

I suffer in order to be a total pro at these games, believe me.

So today I gave someone an injury for being so totally awesome. That's the only conclusion I can come to.

Night'all.