If.

Today I went to the park with Rach and Cleo.

It was nice. We stayed there for a while, Cleo was playing and it wasn't too cold for once.

We started to walk back home next to the river. We stopped at a traffic light and we waited... And we waited...

Then a very nice looking boy comes along, stops at the traffic light and waits.

And then?

He smiled at me.

Me!!

It was a nice smile.

The light turned green and we all crossed the road. I looked around to see that he wasn't near us. He was going the other way.

Gah!!!

A tiny part of me wanted to follow him - to see who he was and why he smiled at me. But I didn't.

I spent the next couple of hours complaining about it, going on three simultaneous chocolate binges and thinking about it before giving up on thinking altogether.

But now I'm kicking myself.

If I had followed him, or said hello to him, what would have happened then?

If I kicked the habit of being shy right there and then, would he have been friends or something?

Well, would we?

I, for one, don't know.

But I still want to know.

If I stopped being such a lame, shy, socially inept person, who would I be? Better or worse.

Ugh.

---

And this, dear reader, is further proof of how St. V's day fugs with my head.