Blighty

Let me allow me (in the words of the very wise Bill Bailey) to tell you about where I live...

Spending as much time on the internet as I do means I'm often asked this question upon signing up to somewhere new on the interwebs...

What's Britain like?

It's alright, y'know. It's err... you know. We've got Nectar Points,understatement, we're tough on slogans, tough on the causes of slogans. We have strong prevailing south-westerly winds, in fact, 52% of our year is overcast so as a nation we're infused with a wistful melancholy. However we remain a relentlessly chipper population prone to mild eccentricity, binge drinking and casual violence.

Breakfast is served seven till nine - not a minute later, or you will be cast out. We have no natural predators, though a badger can give you a nasty nip... Four hedgehogs feeding on honey might fall in your eyes. A wasp could fly in your mouth one summer's afternoon, sting your bottom lip, it swells right up and you phone the doctor saying 'nurr am waspeh herrr sterrr meeerrr lerrr', she thinks your a pervert, you get arrested, sent to a secret Mars penal colony, gain the support of the workers and throw off the shackles of oppression.

And on the up side, we've got Little Chefs, which were built many years ago on lay lines, and then roads just came in and connected them up.

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So yes. If you can survive all that I'll meet you at customs.

We just won't be stopping at Little Chef.