Nicole: Oh so loved...

I did this with all the Urban Family (am currently in Whitby with them...) today and it just showed how much I'm loved...

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Dear Nicole,

I don't really know how to tell you this, but I'm in love with your sister. I think I realized it when we saw the shrunken head At the Hare Krishna graduation and I saw you pour syrup on Bill Clinton.

I'm sure you're scarred enough to understand that I get turned on by garbage men. I'm returning your ring to you, but I'll keep your collection of butterflies as a memory.

You should also know that I never liked Oprah Winfrey imitations.

Fuck off, Tilda.

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Dear Nicole,

I don't really know how to tell you this, but our affair is over. I think I realized it that night at the mental hospital and I saw you knock out my father.

I'm sure you're senile enough to understand that I had a sex change. I'm returning the memories in the military service to you, but I'll keep some of your photos as a memory.

You should also know that I told in my confession today about the apartment building.

Your everlasting enemy, Anna.

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Dear Nicole,

I don't really know how to tell you this, but you're a pervert. I think I realized it when I threw up at the Hare Krishna graduation and I saw you insult the crazy monk.

I'm sure you're emotional enough to understand how boring. I'm returning the memories in the military service to you, but I'll keep your neighbour Martin as a memory.

You should also know that I always will remember Oprah Winfrey imitations.

Disgusting regards, Emma.

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Dear Nicole,

I don't really know how to tell you this, but I dislike you. I think I realized it when you put cuffs on me in your closet and I saw you looking at my avocado plant.

I'm sure you're cowardly enough to understand that Extreme Home Makeover sucks. I'm returning your ring to you, but I'll keep your suicide note as a memory.

You should also know that I never will forget eggplant fetishism.

Fuck off, Matt.

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This really puts my life into perspective.