Ariba ariba!

Everyone knows I'm very passionate about my work. As in, I LOVE IT. I particularly love the shorter shifts and the times I become the manager's personal cashier maestro (oh, I got the mick taken out of me for that, I assure you). Working on the tills today I met a very nice man with a toaster.

You know, a normal day.

Nicole: Hi there!

Toaster Man: Hey! I'd like to return this toaster.

N: Ahh... broken?

TM: No, it's just too small for the bread I buy.

N: Oh you like the big crusty bread?

TM: Ahh, we get Warburtons, you know, in the blue packet?

N: Oh, me too!

TM: High five!

*high five*

N: It seriously doesn't fit in the toaster?

TM: Nope.

N: What a crappy toaster.

And then when trying to refund it I button-mash the till by accident causing the receipt to run out and the drawer to come flying forward. One of the managers laughs from across the store, I look utterly bewildered.

Fun times.

Eventually me and Toaster Man decide that Warburtons should make their own toasters, because there's no bread like Warburtons, you know?

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Another moment not to be forgotten was when the stock manager noticed how clumsy I was. He was balancing the contents of the till drawers and I dived to get out of his way, crashed into a chair and fell over. Then I was taking the piss out of one of my... uhh, peers... and he ran at me with a ladder, I jumped back and fell over a cappuccino machine. Fun times.

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And finally me and [redacted] were stood at the check out at closing time watching customers browsing the catalogues. [redacted] claps her hands and marches over to the customers, I tidy up the tills and can only hear [redacted] talking very loudly before looking up to see all the customers walking out in one long uniformed line.

"Uhh, are we allowed to do that?"

And then we reset the doors so people can get out but not in.

And dimmed the lights.

It's consumer-speak for GET THE FUCK OUT, WE'RE TIRED. Simple, yet effective.

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But nothing, nothing beats serving people on the till, running off to catch their ticket and then picking their item before they've even had time to sit down. Their expressions are absolutely priceless. I am the Speedy Gonzales of the shopping world.

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I loooove my job.