Just leave him alone 'cos the boy's bad news.

(I Want You So Hard - Eagles Of Death Metal = great song)

First of all, are you all conquering the crapness that is The X Factor by buying Rage Against The Machine's Killing In The Name. Christmas number one, surely! (Muthafuckeeeeeeerrrr! could be the new It's Chriiiiiiistmaaaassss!)

If you're not in on this, be in on this, immediately.

What are you still doing here? Go!

Done? Good.

This evenin' I went to see Lemon in her first play after running off to college to join the circus study performing arts and her character was a prostitute.

This is particularly hilarious because Emma happens to have enormous boobs. She puts the 'tit' in titans.

We were worrying all night that she'd fall out or bend over and we'd all be doomed but nothing happened, and she had a strategically placed feather boa to cover her up, but just as the very end she ran across the stage and me, Chez and Kirsty (one of Lemon's sisters) got an eyeful.

Five years of boob-related jokes and now I can say I've seen the light.

Me, Chez and Kirsty were in silent fits of giggled, I was gnawing on my hand to stop myself howling with laughter, Lemon was dispensing evils in our general direction.

All in all, it was a great night. Lemon is a fabulous actor/singer/dancer and I'm sure she'll go on to do great things with THE LOVE OF HER LIFE: Robert Pattinson. (I don't understand what people see in him... mostly.)

Anyhoo, I'm going to take off before the raging Twilight fans come and torch my house...